How to Accept a Family Member's Spouse

• Give them some space. Trying to change them or turn people against them is likely to backfire. Give the person space to open up and try to make them feel at home. It takes time to adjust for anyone in a new home, give the person that time. Put yourself in their shoes and try to think of the situation from their point of view too. • You may have gotten a bad impression. Things may get better with time and once you've gotten more acquainted. • Remember that just because you don't "click" with them doesn't mean that they're a bad spouse for your loved one. Trying to change them or turn people against them is likely to backfire. Give the person space to open up and try to make them feel at home. It takes time to adjust for anyone in a new home, give the person that time. Put yourself in their shoes and try to think of the situation from their point of view too. • Talk to your family member. Even if you think you've been subtle, your loved one has probably noticed your less-than-happy attitude about their spouse. Take them aside to a quiet place and have a heart-to-heart about your relationship with their spouse. you have a problem and you need help. For example: • "I've had some difficulty accepting Wendy. I guess it's just moving so fast and it startled me. I care a lot about you and it surprised me that you got married to someone I barely know. But I don't want to alienate her or you. Do you have any advice?" • "Sometimes Amil's jokes make me really uncomfortable and I don't know what to say." • "Dad, I've been kind of struggling with Keiko. I know she makes you happy, and I want you to be happy. But at the same time, I'm still grieving Mom and sometimes it feels like Keiko is trying to be my new mom when I'm just not ready. I think I need some time and space to process because I still miss Mom so much." • "You've probably noticed that I'm having trouble getting along with Asher. I get upset when I hear him making comments about your weight. I can see it makes you sad and I hate that. I don't know what to do when this happens." Even if you think you've been subtle, your loved one has probably noticed your less-than-happy attitude about their spouse. Take them aside to a quiet place and have a heart-to-heart about your relationship with their spouse. Use "I" language to explain thathave a problem and you need help. For example: Tip: Your loved one needs to know that this is coming from a place of caring, not judgment. Show that you feel this way because you care about them (even if it turns out that you're misguided), not because you're judging their spouse. • Try to be friendlier with the spouse. Find out what you have in common with the person. You both might like the same TV show, music or you both share might share the same hobby. Ask them about their dreams and goals. Share family jokes. You can also talk about their partner. You might find a good friend in that person. • Look for what your family member sees in them. After all, they are married to your loved one, not to you. Search for their individual strengths. Try to see how, even if they aren't a good match for you, they are right for your family member. • Share. You have to do a lot of sharing when a new person joins the family. You'll share dinner tables, company, and loved ones. But the good part is that you also get to share your responsibilities, love, thoughts and feelings. Look for ways to share positive experiences together. • Be forgiving. Everyone has faults. How would you feel if someone judged you as harshly as you were judging the spouse? Try to ease up a little and give them the benefit of doubt. • Make up. Even if you fight with the person make it up as soon as you can. Do not let the bitterness of a fight affect your relationship.